A strange warm fuzzy feeling

I woke up one morning after spending the night at my parents house and walked into the living room. Since I was barely awake and the world was terribly bright, I wasn't really paying attention to much through my squinty bloodshot eyes. I grabbed a spot on the couch next to my little brother who was watching the regular saturday morning cartoons and we just zoned out for a while. A few shows in, the original Bugs Bunny and Tweety show came on and it opened with a skit that was the Big dog and little dog in the construction yard having a conversation; I was immediately overcome with a warm fuzzy feeling that lingered on childhood memories. It puzzled me because I never really watched these shows as a child, until I suddenly realized what it was that triggered these feelings;

The dog was smoking.

It seems so easy to overlook, or ignore, or even misunderstand this small detail until i pose this question: How many cartoons for kids today have characters that smoke? I don't mean are literally smoking, but have a cigar or a cigarette. It just isn't done anymore because its considered a positive reenforcement of smoking since the child's hero(es) are doing it so openly but I never noticed the small shifts towards this point until this "old school" cartoon came on and evoked this response.

At first I was thinking maybe asian characters don't smoke (since more and more of north american cartoons are done through a foreign influence because of the "anime" influence) then dismissed this as silly because quite of a few of the popular characters in asian comics and shows smoke; it is just our culture as a whole, apparently. We seem to slowly be evolving to a place where we want the kids to be kids, but safe and responsible as adults as well. This is just one of many things I've started to notice that change without bringing any attention to itself as the people in charge make decisions they deem to be the best for todays youth, our children and younger siblings, without any consideration of what it is we want or think.

Its terrible when you stop and think that a cartoon dog smoking is what gave me a sense of connection to my childhood happiness because stuff today is so far removed from what we enjoyed as children and young adults. Violence, Media Desensitization, Drugs and Alcohol... nothing is the same as it once was and I don't know if I'm totally okay with this. I think the part that actually upsets me over this whole thing is that nobody noticed this change, nobody fights the change, and nobody realizes this change is a subtle form of censorship and controlling the media.

Just to spite them I'm giving my kids cigarettes and Jager-bombs.

Things 1

-Groove Sucka Groove

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind: A Review

As a writer myself I have a great admiration for Eternal Sunshine's screenwriter Charlie Kauffman, a man who has yet to produce anything less than stellar. He seems to have an erie understanding of internal conflicts with our emotions and in Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind, Kauffman nails it the best.

Our story really starts when Joel Barrish, played wonderfully by an unusually quiet and reserved Jim Carrey, finds out his girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has erased him from her memory. Joel, both confused and angry, goes to Lacuna the company who offers this proceedure so that he himself can also have the procedure done. During which Joel realizes while he is mad, he still cherishes the memories he shares with Clementine and he does everything he can to keep them.

Jim Carrey turns in a beautiful and quiet preformance that is truly key for making this film work. As we progress through the film we see more and more of Joel and Clementine's relationship and when Joel starts to fight to keep these memories we fully understand why.
When Joel cries we feel it, when he struggles we feel it, when he's frustrated we feel it. Perfect job by Jim.

Kate Winslet is the other piece of the puzzle as the lovable although abraisive girlfriend who often fears closeness and when she meets someone she loves, she often pushes them away with brutal personal attacks. One would think this person would not be worth fighting for, but when seen through Joel's eyes she is beautiful and ultimately his balance. Kate Winslet as always has another preformance of a lifetime.

The supporting cast is very strong with Mark Ruffalo & Elijah Wood as two technitions doing the "erasing" of Joel's memories. Kirsten Dunst as a charming receptionist and Ruffalo's love interest, but has her own love for Tom Wilkinson's character, who is there boss. And of course the film is so wonderful because of this supporting cast as they all have a wonderfully messed up life too.

In conclusion you can erase what your mind thinks, but you can't erase what the heart feels.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a near perfect film and truly earns it's
4 1/2 out 5

- Loving his memories

Thing 2

Random facts with Jesse

RANDOM FACT:

Urinating on a Jellyfish sting doesn't stop the burn.

Infact, most Jellyfish stings only cause pain and numbness. The BOX JELLYFISH is the most venomous of all stinging marine life. About 20% of those stung by the box jellyfish will die.

ANYWAYS, peeing on the sting is silly because as well all know, urine, ammonia and alcohol cause pain receptors to fire, which means if you are stung and your asshole friends pisses on it, it'll make it worse.

So keep the pee to a minimum.

Random Facts with Jesse

To make up for never updating this sucker I'm going to stay on top of it by displaying a random fact or two everyday.

RANDOM FACT:

The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows!...what a bastard.

What If?

In recent days I've done some minor emotional “spring cleaning” and I feel better because of it. I was explaining this "spring cleaning" to a friend, her retort was kind and understanding and then she followed it with something that made me feel a little awkward. she expressed her "wanting" of me. I played it off as nicely as I could telling her that while she was a "nice and charming girl but (you’ve got to love the “but” comments), I'm beyond happy with someone else" this only prompted her response of "Haven't you ever said ‘what if we were together?’". I answered truthfully and told her "no, I don't care about what if, I'm beyond happy with what IS" this caused her to be taken back a bit and told me that who I was with was the "luckiest girl". While I disagree with the luckiest girl comment (because I'm not without flaws), but her previous "what if" statement prompted a thought in my head.

Is “what if?” a legitimate thing to even say?As people we are the same at the core, we all feel, we all react, we all have emotion, but it is in the things that MAKE us feel, react that make us individuals.

Hear me out, The lovely girl I’m with now makes me feel incredible. I’m inspired, I’m happy and I feel wonderful just thinking and typing about her. She evokes thoughts of the future and the steps I want to take to get there. That is “what IS” I don’t second guess it because that truly is what is. The friend on the other hand, doesn’t evoke or cause these sort of reactions or feelings…that is also what IS.

See. There isn’t what if, only what is.

In conclusion, I know I can’t say “what if” with conviction because I already have my “what is”, I implore you to do the same, go out and search for your “what is”. You’ll wake up with that smile on your face, that warmth in your chest and that drive to be the best possible version of yourself.

Forever adoring what is
Thing 2

Changes

For better or for worse a person, a place, a memory and even a feeling can change. Now there is no way for us to know when or IF something or someone will ever change, but that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about how to deal with a change, sudden or gradual, big or small and how we can take our own steps in changing ourselves.

For many years, more than I care to remember, I walked down the same path over and over again. It was a path of the same type of relationship, the same boring job, the same situations and the same boring results. And a few months ago after a emotional breakdown I came together, and took the steps onto a new path that I had to change myself.

See while I couldn't see it myself for the longest time, I eventually found that we can't just glide along this life, we need to change it for ourselves, or at least push ourselves until we can't push no more. Otherwise what's the point? Where do we really end up if we don't head somewhere ourselves? I'm not asking you to rush through life but I'm saying that you need to know who you want, what you want and where you want to be and then you act accordingly.

I found all of those things, I'm 20 years old, I'm still young, I have time to make this happen, and I intend to take each step down this path with a determination and fight that won't be matched. I say let us all do the same.

Forever Thoughtful
Thing 2

Snap, Crackle, Fuck You.

At some point I think I need to step back and examine my collection of games I'm owning/playing; goddamn they are violent. Even the games that suck, or are not initially violent, somehow end up being amazing acts of brutality. A game I haven't been able to put down lately does not fall into either of those categories because they game is both good and violence is kind of the point. This game is Blitz: The League2, which is the sequel to the original Blitz: The League game

The Blitz series is about a fictional football league that bears resemblance to the NFL in the most of the ways that you would expect; setting up your offense and defense, training your players, etc. After playing though, you quickly see what sets this series apart from the other titles in this particular sport, the 'illegal' and aggressive parts of the game.

As it stands, I'm not a huge fan of sports games but this one caught my attention for the multiple things to do in the game and the different approaches to playing the matches themselves. There are your various training exercises to improve your players, of course, and the ability to improve your equipment, but then there is the added twist of having the ability to juice your players right before a game for an advantage. Pump a ton of steroids into your Linebacker and turn him into a killing machine or make it impossible for your Quarterback to feel pain, for example. It adds to the second, much more intense part of the game I found interesting: Breaking the other team, metaphorically and literally.

In this game, during a match, you can land dirty hits on opposing players which causes their stamina to drop. After several dirty hits, it is possible to land such a vicious blow that you cause an injury of any one of a various degrees of seriousness. The injuries range from bruised ribs and dislocated fingers, to a concussion, torn ACL or even a snapped spine. But wait! The fun refuses to stop there: the injuries go from just sounding terrible, to a small in-game cut-scene of the injury occurring in 'real-time'. You hit the guy with a dirty hit, hear the noise of impact. It cuts to the actual injury, you hear it happen. Laugh at the player and show your feelings.

Snap, Crackle, Fuck You.

All in all the game is tons of fun, either way you play it. You can play honest and skillfully, landing dirty hits when needed but focusing on out-playing the other team, or you can play dirty and mean, landing nothing but cheap shots and essentially beat the other team to death in order to win. It's all up to you, but we both know where the players go when they get frustrated. The storyline is a tad weak, with its basic run of the mill underdog team to take over the league championship story, but the fun twists and team's history is what makes the campaign mode a joy to play.

Blitz: The League2
fun: :) :) :) :)
gameplay: :) :) :) :)
story: :) :) :)

Overall: :) :) :) :) :
[Four and a half]

Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove

Jesus...

...died upon a cross, he died there for YOUR sins, even the sins that future generations of humans hadn't even commited...fuck...I don't really think he knew what he was getting himself in for...regardless of that days later he rose from the grave, which automatically makes him a zombie right? Well I don't know why Christianity is so into Jesus then...he doesn't sound divine at all he sounds like a flesh eater. If you're a close friend of myself you know I have an affinity for hunting down the undead and punishing them for "living", this punishment is granted via bullet or sharp object to their brain and works everytime, so I've a new goal...hunt and destroy the flesh eating zombie encarnation of Jesus.

Flesh eating aside, god and Jesus are supposedly all powerful, everything and everywhere at once.......this should be fun to figure out everything they are!

Here are a few I found on the internet

Jesussaurus Rex
OptiJesus Prime
WereJesus
Cyborg Jesus
Cheese Jesus
Jesus Juice
All-Purpose Jesus (that one sounds useful :D )

Here are a few of my own versions of Jesus

Duck-Billed PlatyJesus
A new saying for the Joker "Why so Jesus?"
Turtle-Jesus (imgaine that!)
ShamJesus!

I bet I could go on for hours as there are no limits to this one...go ahead have fun with making all the fun a hilarious versions of Jesus for yourself :)

Hunting Zombie Jesus
-Thing 2

The English Language

Has been raped and abused and is on the brink of total destruction. We now live in a world where it’s acceptable to refer to ones out loud laughter in a new and improved and abbreviated way “LOL”.

I recently had an in-person conversation with a girl where I cracked one of my many awesome jokes, after in which she laughed, but not in the way you and I would have, no instead she actually said “rofl” (which for those who don’t know means ROLL ON FLOOR LAUGHING, which in itself is an improper sentence, congrats you can’t even abbreviate properly.) anyways, her stating that she thought the joke was funny through saying a phrase that is reserved for text messaging was an eye opener, or an ear opener so to speak.

The “rofl” incident was just the first straw, I soon discovered that our language has been raped o’ so many times! A major culprit is the rap industry.

Here are some actual quotes,

“After the VMA's my baby momma cussed my ass out
I kicked her ass, we back friends like Puffy and Steve Stoute
Cut the grass around my crib so I could see these snakes
You see 'em back in the hood, it's cause I see they're fake
A preacher's son about the paper like I'm Creflo Dollar
I pop you punk niggaz like I pop my collarI'm confused, I like Megan, Monica and Mya
Missy's freaky and Brandy's shot up
Now take a look at how my lifestyle changed up
I'm on now, God damnit, I done came up (what?)
Now you can find me with the finest hoes
Choosin which whip to drive by what match my clothes
I got a fetish for the stones, I'm heavy on the ice man
If I ain't got a pistol on me, sure I got a knife fam
Get out of line and I'm lightin yo' ass up
Semi-automatic's the way I tighten yo' ass up - what?”

“Nigga ride with me, ride with me, die with me, die with me
Kill with me, kill with me, bury me a soldier
Don't nobody cry, just keep my name in the sky
Tattoo me, retaliate on them niggas that do me
Back to life, this No Limit shit I represent that
You resent that, you meet my nigga dirty black, that's what I call the gat
Shell sheezie, ask my nigga B Neezie
Big Man, Big Champ, Big Hurt, don't make them killers go to work>
From the south to the east to the middle to the west Represent your hood, show me where them killers at”

Really?

Now don't get me wrong, not all rap is to blame there is an abundance that uses proper wordplay and such. Slang and abreviations have become so great in number that I don't even care to attempt to display a list here, I'll just imagine that you already know of them.

Once, the English language was the most beautiful sound on the planet, words and syllables could flow and weave amongst one another to craft a structure so great, so awesome, that it demanded you listen and be in utter awe of its greatness.

“He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
[JULIET appears above at a window]
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!”

William Shakespeare

Okay sounds like a little much to describe something, am I right? No, I’m not, it’s the proper way to describe things, use the language that we have, let us indulge in its vast greatness, capitalize on every single syllable, ever little pronunciation and create magic!

Forever Missing the good ol’ days
- Thing 2

I have nothing but bad feelings for Sting

I hate Sting, and I'm not alone, so I searched the internet and compiled a list of why we should all hate Sting.

Reasons to Hate Sting.

1. His name is Sting
2. His real name is Gordon...pft!
3. The Police tried to do regea, even though they are both White AND British...
4. He named his son after a horse
5. He plays the Lute.
6. He didn't save the rainforest
7. He used to be a teacher, and teachers don't rock...except Jack Black...but he was a sub.
8.He later wrote a song ("Don't Stand So Close to Me") about a teacher that had an affair with a student "half his age."
9.Teachers that have affairs with students are creepy.
10.He says the song isn't autobiographical but c'mon you can't look at Sting and not see a Pedophile.
11.People who write songs about teachers that have affairs with teenage girls are creepy.
12."Don't Stand So Close To Me '86."
13. He hasn't had a good record since 1985.
14. His lawyers argued Sting deserved songwriting credit for his vocals on Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing."
15. His vocals on the Dire Straits song purposely echo "Don't Stand So Close to Me."
16. So it's not like he even created anything new for the Dire Straits song.
17. Still, his lawyers got involved.
18. He later claimed he was embarrassed by the dispute.
19. He performed at Live Aid.
20. With Phil Collins.
21. Phil Collins sucks.
22. Even though Sting and Phil Collins performed together, people continued to starve in Ethiopia.
23. He also sang on "Do They Know it's Christmas?"
24. That song also failed to end famine in Ethiopia.
25. It also is a horrible Christmas song.
26. Only about 40 percent of Ethiopians are Christian. So, they probably know it's Christmas.
27. The rest are not Christian. But they probably know it's Christmas, too.
28. But they probably wouldn't like Sting anyway.
29. He has tantric sex.
30. With his wife.
31. He talks about having tantric sex.
32. He gives interviews about having tantric sex.
33. He doesn't realize giving interviews about having tantric sex with your wife kind of turns you into a joke.
34. He broke up The Police.
35. Throughout their career, Sting often argued with Stewart Copeland.
36. Stewart Copeland is a remarkable drummer.
37. Were it not for Stewart Copeland's drumming, The Police would have been a second rate Men At Work.
38. Men at Work were Australian.
39. Sting should apologize to Stewart Copeland.
40. But he won't.
41. The Police reunited.
42. Bands that reunite only do so for the money.
43. And they usually suck.
44. Cool bands that break up don't reunite.
45. Because they hate each other and are too punk rock to bury the hatchet.
46. Or because someone died or went crazy.
47. Or because they were never in it for the money in the first place.
48. When the Police were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame, they performed "Every Breath You Take" with Steven Tyler, Gwen Stefani and John Mayer (all of which are cooler than Sting).
49. He wears muscle shirts.
50. Assholes wear muscleshirts
51. He wore a Porkpie hat in a music video
52. Stewart Copeland didn't.
53. When the Police reformed the average ticket price was $100
54. Starving kids in Africa can't afford those tickets.
55. The Police, is a stupid band name, why not call yourselves the Cub Scouts or The Brownies?
56. That'd be sweet actually...if Sting wasn't in the band.
57. On Sting's website, there is a contest where the winner gets a book on Yoga....fuck you.
58. He released an Album in Spanish.
59. But he doesn't speak Spanish....where do you get off Sting?

See...hate Sting, it's so hard not too.

Forever Hating Sting
-Thing 2

And the Oscar goes too.......

With the 81st Annual Academy Awards ending (and me upset with a ridiculous handout to a non-deserving film, good and charming but NOT deserving film) I wanted to ask you all, how many BEST PICTURE winning films have you seen?

Here is the list.

1928 - Wings, Sunrise
1929 - The Broadway Melody
1930 - All Quiet on the Western Front
1931 - Cimarron
1932 - Grand Hotel
1933 - Cavalcade
1934 - It Happened One Night
1935 - Mutiny on the Bounty
1936 - The Great Ziegfield
1937 - The Life of Emile Zola
1938 - You Can’t Take It With You
1939 - Gone With The Wind
1940 - Rebecca
1941 - How Green Was My Valley
1942 - Mrs. Miniver
1943 - Casablanca
1944 - Going My Way
1945 - The Lost Weekend
1946 - The Best Years Of Our Lives
1947 - A Gentleman’s Agreement
1948 - Hamlet
1949 - All The King’s Men
1950 - All About Eve
1951 - An American in Paris
1952 - The Greatest Show on Earth
1953 - From Here to Eternity
1954 - On The Waterfront
1955 - Marty
1956 - The King and I
1957 - Bridge Over The River Kwai
1958 - Gigi
1959 - Ben Hur
1960 - The Apartment
1961 - West Side Story
1962 - Lawrence of Arabia
1963 - Tom Jones
1964 - My Fair Lady
1965 - The Sound of Music
1966 - A Man For All Season
1967 - In The Heat of the Night
1968 - Oliver
1969 - Midnight Cowboy
1970 - Patton
1971 - The French Connection
1972 - The Godfather
1973 - The Sting
1974 - The Godfather Part 2
1975 - One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
1976 - Rocky
1977 - Annie Hall
1978 - The Deer Hunter
1979 - Kramer Vs. Kramer
1980 - Ordinary People
1981 - Chariots of Fire
1982 - Gandhi
1983 - Terms of Endearment
1984 - Amadeus
1985 - Out of Africa
1986 - Platoon
1987 - The Last Emperor
1988 - Rain Man
1989 - Driving Miss Daisy
1990 - Dances With Wolves
1991 - Silence of the Lambs
1992 - Unforgiven
1993 - Schindler’s List
1994 - Forrest Gump
1995 - Braveheart
1996 - The English Patient
1997 - Titanic
1998 - Shakespeare in Love
1999 - American Beauty
2000 - Gladiator
2001 - A Beautiful Mind
2002 - Chicago
2003 - Lord of the Ring: The Return of the King
2004 - Million Dollar Baby
2005 - Crash
2006 - The Departed
2007 - No Country for Old Men
2008 - Slumdog Millionaire

Now if you're anything like me, and I'm assuming you are, you have to look at this list with careful eyes, because my god there are some more deserving films (cough, cough, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE is NOT better than Saving Private Ryan....what a joke...and Chicago is like Moulin Rouge but worse) but regardless of personal preferences, each and everyone of these films are worth a viewing.

I proud to say I've seen 65 of the 80 films (some of the earlier ones I've yet to see but still plan on it.)

Film Loving Loser :)
- Thing 2

Super Shamwow Batman!

A man demonstrates an sickeningly absorbent towel simply entitled the "Shamwow." It cleans up spills, polishes cars, washes dishes, and probably can preform a mess free abortion and so forth. (Click here to watch the ad.)

There's something that draws me to Vince and I'm tempted to buy all of these Shamwow's everytime I see the guy. It's not like he does anything that different than any other person who is trying to whore out a so-called miracle product on pay television, first Vince shows us the power of the shamwow, he gives us a time limit "but you have to call in the next 20 minutes, we can't do this all day" to get in on the amazing deal for all of these shamwows, but Mr. T does this very same routine his cooker that can cook anything. So why is it I trust Vince over T? I mean I'm just like everyone else and pity the foo' who don't dig T, but I have to go with Vince over T on this.

I suppose in part, it's the astonishing capabilities of the product. (Holds 20 times its weight in liquid! Instantly extracts cola spills from your carpet! Lasts for 10 years! I'm certain all of this is 100 percent true!) But lots of products make impressive claims. The real star here is Vince, who demonstrates an impressive and subtle mastery of the pitchman's art.
The first thing I notice is the physical grace. Vince puts the Shamwow through its paces with the fluid dexterity of a three-card monte dealer. Cleaning up spills appears not just effortless, but fun.
There's a genius, too, in his hectoring tone. He makes us feel like idiots for even entertaining the notion of not buying a Shamwow. "You're gonna spend $20 every month on paper towels, anyway," he says, palms up and head tilted back. He seems truly dumbfounded that anyone might fail to see the wisdom of dropping 28 bucks (including shipping) on a set of rags.
Vince also conveys a street-smart persona—with his headset microphone, rat-a-tat phrasing and fuhgeddaboutit confidence—that's intended to get the viewer thinking, "Hey, this guy's sharp. He knows a good deal." It may also get us thinking, "Hey, this guy's a douche. He needs a better haircut." But that's a secondary issue. As this Shamwow looks amazing!

I have to ask you something though, what other products would Vince be good at selling? Or what other professions could Vince put his selling skills into?

Male Prostitute (comes with a ten-year warranty, eh ladies?)
Serial Killer (I mean most are charming at first right?)
Tom Cruise's press secretary (can make anything seem worth buying into, hell Vince made the line "You know the german's make good stuff" sound like common knowledge)

But I suppose the real question isn't WHAT Vince would be good at, it's more of a question of WHEN will he be selling us other well-made German products.

-Forever Awkward
Thing 2

Stop giving me reasons to never have a daughter.

There was a time when I was actually excited to have kids, specifically a daughter. Looking at that idea now I think that is possibly the worst idea I have ever had.. and that is saying a LOT. Way back in the day a friend of mine loaned me a movie called teenagers are stupid and should not be allowed outside Thirteen.

The set up for the movie is fantastic, I recommend people watch it just for the beginning because of how well it is done. It is realistic, honest and shines through as more of a home movie than a Hollywood film. In the introduction of the movie you are introduced to the main character Tracy who is a 13 year old straight-A student who lives with her mom, a recovering drug user and struggling hair dresser.

Then the movie actually starts and things go downhill. Swiftly.

For the sake of acceptance this straight-A mother loving girl spirals into drugs, crime, 'sex' and isolationism. She follows around the popular girl at school, gets into all kinds of trouble and shenanigans and things continuously go from bad to worse in every situation. They steal stuff, get body piercings and attempt to have sex with a 20 year old life guard. The movie eventually dissolves in a touch and go story of her life falling apart and she isolates herself from those who love her because she does not think they care.

I tried really hard to give a damn about the movie, and there were a few times when I thought I could. Too many times the movie overshot what it originally was going for, which constantly squashed any actual feelings it was invoking.

It did catch me off guard several times and there are parts when people can be hit rather hard and unexpectedly because you find yourself suddenly faced with a situation you can relate to more than you would like to admit. Common things that everyone knows happens to teenagers, but nobody really talks about, and it feels strange to be faced with something so blatantly; want for acceptance, isolationism, etc.

On saying that, though, I feel it necessary to point out that this movie was not remotely fun to watch, only my incredible willpower kept me in my seat. I was 13 at one point in life, and I never got into this kind of trouble. I was a reckless, enthusiastic, chain-smoking, fight-picking teenager, but the level of trouble she gets in, in the amount of time, is just silly. There is no way she would go from the straight-A she was to the drug-loving 'skank' she became.

This would have made more sense if the movie was set when the main character was more susceptible to these things, such as a 16 year old in high school, not a 13 year old straight-A girl in public school. It just was not remotely believable when you compared the characters to the plot they were actually aiming for.

Overall, I felt as if this movie not only gave me yet another reason to not have a daughter, but also totally raped my mind with the senselessness of visuals the movie flashed at my unsuspecting eyes. It tries to be gritty and realistic, it comes across as tasteless and crude, aiming for the simple value of shock and even failing at that. The tag line for the movie is 'It's happening so fast' but while watching it I just simply wished it went faster so I could do something more productive:

masturbating with sandpaper comes to mind.

Overall Rating :)

Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove

Sexism? more like SexAWESOME!

Women.

Nobody really understands them, from what it is they to why they do it. Complex creatures with a slew of emotions and reactions that cannot ever be accurately predicted: no rhyme or reason to what it is they do. There did not seem like anything that everyone could agree on, except for one thing;

They are not people.

I mean, sure, they are human beings, but they are not people. They have the same [basic] principles as real people, but with fundamentally more rules (which are obviously there for their safety). Men constantly are required to remind women about their place, role and inability to function on their own due to the woman's forgetful and scatterbrained nature. Unfortunately, due to their natural disposition men have to be gentle and [often] humorous so as to not upset the delicate mind of the woman. Such reminders could be in the form of a question, or even presented as a witty joke. Be careful to not be too witty though, she IS a woman.

Comments/Jokes can be, but are not limited too, the following:
"Are women allowed to own property?"
"Is dinner not at six?"
"Since when are women allowed to drive?"
"If you do not smarten up, I'll have to Chris Brown your ass."

There are many indications that women are not equal to men whether it be physically or mentally. Men run the superpower countries. Men are the protectors of the home. Men invent useful things. Men are amazing at war. The reasons are endless, but one that can never be overlooked is beautifully simple;

Men have the penis.

The penis is the greatest thing to ever grace the planet Earth; not only does it firmly establish men as the superior beings, it is also a source of [never-ending] hilarity. Men can pee standing up, can actually aim at things, etc.

Women? They are just lowly creatures that need men in order to thrive or else they would struggle and die; they would have nobody to drive them places, open jars or even give them the honor of servicing a penis.

And as we learn from pornography, every woman is happily surprised when presented with a penis.


Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove

**Editors note: Opinions expressed here are not necessarily shared by other Things in a Box, and are also considered to be humorous in nature.

I don't hate vests.

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Chris Brown...

Are you fucking serious dude? I mean can you look me in the face and tell me that you're serious? I hope to god that you can't, because if you could sit across from me, look me in the eye and tell me that you were serious about assaulting a woman, well then sir you are a fuck. A simple one word swear word, a FUCK.

Wow dude I wish I was as cool as you dude, I mean because being rich and famous with a long career ahead of you isn't enough to make you feel like a big man, no, you have to beat on a woman. Dude you're real cool. An inspiration to thousands of children and fans, boy can I have your autograph?

Dude I hope you seek help and realize that hitting a girl is about the lowest thing you can do. Fuck you dude.

Enjoy your time in court.

Thing 2
- Sick of Fucks who hit women, you all can die. See you in hell.

Fuck Bono.

Arguably one of the best musicals I have ever had the pleasure of seeing would be Pink Floyd's The Wall Across the Universe. This movie focuses on the music of the Beatles and it has it all; great directing, incredible acting, amazing settings and camerawork and downright phenomenal singing. It was a joy to watch and I found myself time and time again singing along and getting attached to the characters, immersing myself in their lives.

The movie takes place during the time of the Vietnam War and focuses on the adventures of a group of friends, where the plot progression is done through the songs of The Beatles, songs such as Helter Skelter, Hey Jude and Come Together.

One of the most powerful and moving moments of this film is the use of two songs, one after another, accompanying amazing acting and beautiful sets. During the New York riots, a child starts singing Let It Be in the middle of all the chaos. The scene switches to the child's funeral with a gospel choir continuing the song as the procession moves down the floor and out the door. After the song is finished the audience's attention is focused on Jo-Jo, a man with demons chasing him and only his guitar keeping them at bay, as he plays and sings While My Guitar Gently Weeps. This part, in particular, was emotionally charged with how amazing it was preformed. The way the two segments are done together, though, are what really captured me and make me take notice of the movie for what it really is; amazing. Seriously, fucking chills.

The movie was incredible, I could not get enough of it... and then it had to go and ruin the great vibe it had given me;

motherfucking Bono.

Of all the people in the world to pick to have a cameo in this movie, it had to be him. It had to be him. In my opinionFACTS; He fails as an actor. He is a terrible musician. He usually looks like he should be diagnosed as a [borderline] mentally retarded. His fashion sense, being the least of my issues, is terrible. Why purple wrap around sunglasses? And for heaven's sake, Bono has a last name, but it was apparently uncool to actually use it. That's ridiculous, use your fucking name, it is not that hard (Madonna, I am looking at you as well).

Not only do they cast BONO in this movie, but give him the dirtiest rape-worthy biker mustache. Along with purple shades and making his character in the movie a tripped out, self-important, power-tripping asshole; wow, man, not much of a stretch there. My least favorite song by the Beatles was also given to this .. this cretin, I Am The Walrus. I personally think Bono should be taken out with a boxcutter to his jugular, strung up to be watched as he bled out.

Coo coo ka-choo THAT mothafucka!

Overall Rating :) :) :) :)

Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove

Appropriate Swearing?

There are some days where my vocabulary impresses everyone around, both with its expansive range as well as the ability to use the words accurately and to their maximum effectiveness. Unfortunately there are some days when the choice words are less posh and could be considered much more... 'street'. These words have a tendency to randomly slip into my sentence, whether i be having a conversation, doing a presentation, or even writing a fucking paper. After spending time trying to figure out why it is I do this, I stumbled across another angle; why am I trying to censor myself? One of the greatest things, in my opinion, is the right I have to my freedom of speech and I not only respect this I take it very seriously. This makes me wonder, when it comes to swearing;

What's the big fucking deal, man?

I can understand the taboo of swearing when it comes to children, but not when it applies to a real-world everyday situation; kids play [sometimes excessively] violent real life games as well as video games, watch movies rated above their age, all kinds of stuff. Kids are little sponges and tape recorders, they repeat what they hear. It does not make sense to try and censor myself if these kids are actually hearing more graphic words in greater amounts from their speakers. If you are going to put a video game such as G.o.W2 or GTA4 into their hands, and think they are not going to pick up on the language in the game, you need to realize something;

you are a fucking idiot.

Eventually I came to a single staggering idea; acceptance and conformity.This is silly, though, because we are the ones who are now filling the gaps of the society that is falling apart at the seams as the baby boomers leave the working force. For the moment though, they outnumber us AND had the hand in shaping us to what they wanted/expected which means they instilled this negative opinion of swearing. When not around them, though, have you ever noticed something: sometimes it seems strangely appropriate to swear.

Trying to make a point, or emphasize an emotion, command attention or even just as something to say; sometimes nothing says it better than a 'curse' word. It can create a sense of urgency and important when nothing else can, such as this choice phrase;

I'm really angry
This seems like it requires someones attention, but not important or that it is an issue of urgency.

I'm really fucking angry
Now this seems like it is important and needs to be dealt with.

I am not trying to say that certain words, like c*nt, are appropriate in regular conversation, but words such as fuck deserve a proper place in our general lexicon. It is used by all peoples, regardless of race, religion or class and comes up in all kinds of situations. It should be taught in schools as another way to express oneself and where it fits into conversation. Simply put, if you disagree with me, that's fine.

Go fuck yourself. :)

Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove

Violence, Glorious Violence

I spent the last few days using my free time to commit atrocities and acts of untempered violence upon other living things... but something was missing. Somehow, the screams of the injured, glorious sounds of bullet impacts and the visual feast that is the spray of blood just was not working for me; it had lost its ability to appease me in the same way it used too. Unfortunately, this was the [only] thing that this game had going for it when it came to catching and holding my interest.

What makes a good video game is a question that is different from person to person, with only one thing remaining startlingly similar with every response: fun. Generally speaking, nobody wants to play a game that isn't fun because there wouldn't be any point.

Gears of War 2 happens to be one of the games that has nothing to offer me except for a few hours of fun through the use of chainsaws, explosives and the occasional curb stomp. This game by [developer] Epic Games is touted as one of the greatest shooters in years; a statement I agree with, though for totally seperate reasons.

The graphics are great, the dialoge engaging and the storyline is spectacular and nothing short of oscar-worthy but... if I want realism I'll go watch a fucking movie. Nothing determins a games overall position in the world like the ability to actually play and ENJOY it; it shouldn't feel like an ordeal in order to complete it, nor should it look like you can put a movie on and have just as much fun or as engaging a goddamn time.

This game, though it has some fun elements, is overall a waste of time for me. There isn't enough replay value, the games learning curve is through the roof on the higher difficulty levels and after a while you feel dirty that you spent 3 hours doing nothing but curb stomping and chainsawing other living creatures. But its a good dirty feeling, almost as if you got your first blow job and it was awesome fun, but it was from the slut at school that nobody talks to.

That is the best I can compare this game too, a slut with a warm mouth. Sure, its fun for a while, but then you realize that everyone else has been there and there are better things you can do with your time. And after you're done, it dawns on you that you weren't that interested and you'll never talk to her again anyway.

And she just gave you V.D.

So in my opinion, G.o.W2 is a great waste of a few hours, even a weekend, and worth borrowing off another person, but not worth owning. It will stare at you, mockingly, daring you to play it and then when you do it will hit you with the shame of failure all over again. Sweaty, sweaty shame.

Gears of War 2
fun: :) :) :) :)
gameplay: :) :) :)
story: :) :) :) :)

Overall: :) :) :) :
[three and a half]

**Editors note: it got this score based on MY experience and opinion with the game. And since I'm the one actually writing, you can take all your disagreements and fuck yourself with them. I've also beaten the game on Insane, so it isn't like I suck at it so I don't like it.

Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove

That's what she said

It’s been years since anybody could say something that was vaguely related to size, longevity, prowess, positions, food, literature or art without someone somewhere following it up with the words “That’s what she said”. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a good old “that’s what she said” from time to time, but can we let it rest for at least fourty two minutes?

I was visiting a friend last weekend and heard the saying “that’s what she said” more than thirty times over the course of two days from at least twelve different people, and I heard them being referred to as hilarious by their peers. That being said, most of these people constantly quoted, among others, Family Guy, Frat pack films, Dane Cook, and skits of a rising star from the YouTube generation. Now these people who quote them, well they are considered hilarious. Well you know what? You’re not you douche. Stand-up comedians are funny, the writers and performers of film and T.V. are funny, hell even a clown can be funny when they aren’t scaring youth. That being said I must be honest it is just fine to quote, but add something to your repertoire. Have an original thought from time to time. You know what? You may have to come face to face with the fact that you just might not be a naturally funny person? Perhaps your talents lay elsewhere?

In the end you have to ask yourself, what the fuck hasn’t she said? So let’s turn off our TV and do something with our lives. Pick up an instrument, write a book, draw a picture, make the next medical break through and let us hit the books and create something on our own merits and stop trying to be socially accepted through comedy. So next time you are with your friends let the funny ones be funny, and maybe you’ll bring the intellect or the culture to the mix.

Thing 2- Ridiculously Radical and Rambunctious

In Bros (A simple observation)

It has recently occurred to me that I have many friends, but very few dear friends. A simple observation sure, but truly an important one. While watching the fantastic (and vastly under-seen) film In Bruges I could see the characteristics of myself and my friends in the lead characters and it got me thinking. What makes up a dear friend?

At it's core, the plot of In Bruges is simple and fantastically effective. A duo of hitman must take up hiding after they botch up what was supposed to be a simple job. The two must wait in Bruges (a beautiful and lovely town, but more boring than Buzz Killington) until their boss calls them to say it's safe to return home. The two hitman are, for the most part, opposites of one another. Ray is a depressed, narsasistic, womanizing, alcholholic who despises being in the slow moving town and can't wait to leave, while Ken is a caring, quiet, friendly type who enjoys the sights and sounds of Bruges. Sure the opposite characteristics screams primetime television sitcom but thats kind of the charm of the movie because the two complete each other. Which is what brings me to the simple observation, they are close friends because the duo complete each other. Throughout the movie the two bang heads, but are both completely open with one another and caring.

With that in mind I asked myself: If placed in a situation like Ray and Ken were, who'd be the ones that would complete me? After long and careful consideration I found my list of many friends grew smaller and smaller with each person, finally deciding that five friends could complete me. Sure a lot of friends can make me laugh, bring me out of a funk, or come to me for advice, but very few would actually complete that personality circle.

So ask yourself, who are your In Bros?

Thing 2
- I'm too nice.

Another childhood memory ruined.

A movie I watched recently startled me with a stupefying fact; I was being bred to be a racist. The global giant that creates mass produced media focused at kids and panders to the ideals it forces parents to accept and tout, has a warped sense of the world and did nothing to change it. It relies heavily on our trust for them to move stereotypes from their false world into the make-believe one in our head. This was done with such obviousness [now] that I'm shocked my parents let me watch this, or that they did not take to arms and rally with other parents against this corporation; it would be almost too literally terrifying to compare this with another global power that bred children to be racists, trust in the big guys and make the parents believe they want this for their kids. That's right, I'm talking the fascist regime that Adolf Hitler created using the Nazi [National Socialism] party. The culprit that I'm accusing in this grand scheme of hatred is none other than

Walt Disney of the [Walt] Disney Company
and his movie, Dumbo.

There are many other created media items that can be targeted, but this is what got me since it made me sit up and realize what was going on. This movie presents people in such a stereotyped way, the most dramatic and blatantly racist being the 'Jive-Crows' that Dumbo meets. If you don't believe me, watch this movie and see what I'm talking about.

Hell, as long as we're here, lets explore some of these other movies, these... Disney [propaganda] movies. Racism is not the only thing that is wrong with these films; sexism and bigotry throughout Beauty and the Beast, Nazism readily apparent in The Lion King... the list can go on in both older movies and even films that are more modern. Essentially what this breaks down to is;

What the fuck.

Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove