Violence, Glorious Violence

I spent the last few days using my free time to commit atrocities and acts of untempered violence upon other living things... but something was missing. Somehow, the screams of the injured, glorious sounds of bullet impacts and the visual feast that is the spray of blood just was not working for me; it had lost its ability to appease me in the same way it used too. Unfortunately, this was the [only] thing that this game had going for it when it came to catching and holding my interest.

What makes a good video game is a question that is different from person to person, with only one thing remaining startlingly similar with every response: fun. Generally speaking, nobody wants to play a game that isn't fun because there wouldn't be any point.

Gears of War 2 happens to be one of the games that has nothing to offer me except for a few hours of fun through the use of chainsaws, explosives and the occasional curb stomp. This game by [developer] Epic Games is touted as one of the greatest shooters in years; a statement I agree with, though for totally seperate reasons.

The graphics are great, the dialoge engaging and the storyline is spectacular and nothing short of oscar-worthy but... if I want realism I'll go watch a fucking movie. Nothing determins a games overall position in the world like the ability to actually play and ENJOY it; it shouldn't feel like an ordeal in order to complete it, nor should it look like you can put a movie on and have just as much fun or as engaging a goddamn time.

This game, though it has some fun elements, is overall a waste of time for me. There isn't enough replay value, the games learning curve is through the roof on the higher difficulty levels and after a while you feel dirty that you spent 3 hours doing nothing but curb stomping and chainsawing other living creatures. But its a good dirty feeling, almost as if you got your first blow job and it was awesome fun, but it was from the slut at school that nobody talks to.

That is the best I can compare this game too, a slut with a warm mouth. Sure, its fun for a while, but then you realize that everyone else has been there and there are better things you can do with your time. And after you're done, it dawns on you that you weren't that interested and you'll never talk to her again anyway.

And she just gave you V.D.

So in my opinion, G.o.W2 is a great waste of a few hours, even a weekend, and worth borrowing off another person, but not worth owning. It will stare at you, mockingly, daring you to play it and then when you do it will hit you with the shame of failure all over again. Sweaty, sweaty shame.

Gears of War 2
fun: :) :) :) :)
gameplay: :) :) :)
story: :) :) :) :)

Overall: :) :) :) :
[three and a half]

**Editors note: it got this score based on MY experience and opinion with the game. And since I'm the one actually writing, you can take all your disagreements and fuck yourself with them. I've also beaten the game on Insane, so it isn't like I suck at it so I don't like it.

Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove