Snap, Crackle, Fuck You.

At some point I think I need to step back and examine my collection of games I'm owning/playing; goddamn they are violent. Even the games that suck, or are not initially violent, somehow end up being amazing acts of brutality. A game I haven't been able to put down lately does not fall into either of those categories because they game is both good and violence is kind of the point. This game is Blitz: The League2, which is the sequel to the original Blitz: The League game

The Blitz series is about a fictional football league that bears resemblance to the NFL in the most of the ways that you would expect; setting up your offense and defense, training your players, etc. After playing though, you quickly see what sets this series apart from the other titles in this particular sport, the 'illegal' and aggressive parts of the game.

As it stands, I'm not a huge fan of sports games but this one caught my attention for the multiple things to do in the game and the different approaches to playing the matches themselves. There are your various training exercises to improve your players, of course, and the ability to improve your equipment, but then there is the added twist of having the ability to juice your players right before a game for an advantage. Pump a ton of steroids into your Linebacker and turn him into a killing machine or make it impossible for your Quarterback to feel pain, for example. It adds to the second, much more intense part of the game I found interesting: Breaking the other team, metaphorically and literally.

In this game, during a match, you can land dirty hits on opposing players which causes their stamina to drop. After several dirty hits, it is possible to land such a vicious blow that you cause an injury of any one of a various degrees of seriousness. The injuries range from bruised ribs and dislocated fingers, to a concussion, torn ACL or even a snapped spine. But wait! The fun refuses to stop there: the injuries go from just sounding terrible, to a small in-game cut-scene of the injury occurring in 'real-time'. You hit the guy with a dirty hit, hear the noise of impact. It cuts to the actual injury, you hear it happen. Laugh at the player and show your feelings.

Snap, Crackle, Fuck You.

All in all the game is tons of fun, either way you play it. You can play honest and skillfully, landing dirty hits when needed but focusing on out-playing the other team, or you can play dirty and mean, landing nothing but cheap shots and essentially beat the other team to death in order to win. It's all up to you, but we both know where the players go when they get frustrated. The storyline is a tad weak, with its basic run of the mill underdog team to take over the league championship story, but the fun twists and team's history is what makes the campaign mode a joy to play.

Blitz: The League2
fun: :) :) :) :)
gameplay: :) :) :) :)
story: :) :) :)

Overall: :) :) :) :) :
[Four and a half]

Thing 1
-Groove Sucka Groove

Jesus...

...died upon a cross, he died there for YOUR sins, even the sins that future generations of humans hadn't even commited...fuck...I don't really think he knew what he was getting himself in for...regardless of that days later he rose from the grave, which automatically makes him a zombie right? Well I don't know why Christianity is so into Jesus then...he doesn't sound divine at all he sounds like a flesh eater. If you're a close friend of myself you know I have an affinity for hunting down the undead and punishing them for "living", this punishment is granted via bullet or sharp object to their brain and works everytime, so I've a new goal...hunt and destroy the flesh eating zombie encarnation of Jesus.

Flesh eating aside, god and Jesus are supposedly all powerful, everything and everywhere at once.......this should be fun to figure out everything they are!

Here are a few I found on the internet

Jesussaurus Rex
OptiJesus Prime
WereJesus
Cyborg Jesus
Cheese Jesus
Jesus Juice
All-Purpose Jesus (that one sounds useful :D )

Here are a few of my own versions of Jesus

Duck-Billed PlatyJesus
A new saying for the Joker "Why so Jesus?"
Turtle-Jesus (imgaine that!)
ShamJesus!

I bet I could go on for hours as there are no limits to this one...go ahead have fun with making all the fun a hilarious versions of Jesus for yourself :)

Hunting Zombie Jesus
-Thing 2

The English Language

Has been raped and abused and is on the brink of total destruction. We now live in a world where it’s acceptable to refer to ones out loud laughter in a new and improved and abbreviated way “LOL”.

I recently had an in-person conversation with a girl where I cracked one of my many awesome jokes, after in which she laughed, but not in the way you and I would have, no instead she actually said “rofl” (which for those who don’t know means ROLL ON FLOOR LAUGHING, which in itself is an improper sentence, congrats you can’t even abbreviate properly.) anyways, her stating that she thought the joke was funny through saying a phrase that is reserved for text messaging was an eye opener, or an ear opener so to speak.

The “rofl” incident was just the first straw, I soon discovered that our language has been raped o’ so many times! A major culprit is the rap industry.

Here are some actual quotes,

“After the VMA's my baby momma cussed my ass out
I kicked her ass, we back friends like Puffy and Steve Stoute
Cut the grass around my crib so I could see these snakes
You see 'em back in the hood, it's cause I see they're fake
A preacher's son about the paper like I'm Creflo Dollar
I pop you punk niggaz like I pop my collarI'm confused, I like Megan, Monica and Mya
Missy's freaky and Brandy's shot up
Now take a look at how my lifestyle changed up
I'm on now, God damnit, I done came up (what?)
Now you can find me with the finest hoes
Choosin which whip to drive by what match my clothes
I got a fetish for the stones, I'm heavy on the ice man
If I ain't got a pistol on me, sure I got a knife fam
Get out of line and I'm lightin yo' ass up
Semi-automatic's the way I tighten yo' ass up - what?”

“Nigga ride with me, ride with me, die with me, die with me
Kill with me, kill with me, bury me a soldier
Don't nobody cry, just keep my name in the sky
Tattoo me, retaliate on them niggas that do me
Back to life, this No Limit shit I represent that
You resent that, you meet my nigga dirty black, that's what I call the gat
Shell sheezie, ask my nigga B Neezie
Big Man, Big Champ, Big Hurt, don't make them killers go to work>
From the south to the east to the middle to the west Represent your hood, show me where them killers at”

Really?

Now don't get me wrong, not all rap is to blame there is an abundance that uses proper wordplay and such. Slang and abreviations have become so great in number that I don't even care to attempt to display a list here, I'll just imagine that you already know of them.

Once, the English language was the most beautiful sound on the planet, words and syllables could flow and weave amongst one another to craft a structure so great, so awesome, that it demanded you listen and be in utter awe of its greatness.

“He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
[JULIET appears above at a window]
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!”

William Shakespeare

Okay sounds like a little much to describe something, am I right? No, I’m not, it’s the proper way to describe things, use the language that we have, let us indulge in its vast greatness, capitalize on every single syllable, ever little pronunciation and create magic!

Forever Missing the good ol’ days
- Thing 2